I Want...

With tears running down my eyes, I have tried to sit with my feelings and actually say — This is what I want... even if it is just for a day. Acknowledging my deepest emotions and accepting them.

I want to be loved.
Not the kind of love that comes halfway,
or only shows up at night,
or disappears when things get hard.

No — I want the kind of love
that stays.

I want to be wanted,
thought about,
dreamed about—
not as a secret,
not as a maybe,
but as a choice.
A choice someone makes
every single day.

I want a love that is easy,
not because we never fight,
but because we know how to find our way
back to each other
every time.

I want the love where silence speaks,
where I understand you
without a sentence,
and you understand me
without me forcing the words
through my chest.

I want the love that holds me
without making me shrink.
The love that whispers:
“Be all of who you are…
I’m not going anywhere.”

And yes — sometimes I wonder
if that love is real.
If wanting softness
after everything I’ve survived
is asking for too much.

Sometimes it feels like
love skipped me.
Like I’m standing in line
for something that never calls my name.
And that truth hits so deep
it brings tears to my eyes.

Because I have so much love to give.
So much patience.
So much heart.

But I’ve learned —
not everybody comes with the ability
to love the way I love.
Not everybody chooses you
even when you choose them.

Still… I hope.
God knows, I hope.

That among the frogs
there’s a prince.
A real one.
One who sees me,
wants me,
chooses me,
and never asks me
to hide the softest parts of myself.

I miss being held
by arms that mean it.
By love that doesn’t turn into chaos.
By someone who touches me
like they’re touching their future.

And if it’s not too much to ask —
I just want a love
that feels safe.
A love that feels warm.
A love that feels real.

A love where I can lay down my armor,
rest my head,
and finally…
finally breathe

.